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Pharmaceutical Representative
Contributions from this year's reader's writing contest entrants.
Editor's note: Several entrants to this year's reader's writing contest contributed humorous articles on the subject of "You know you're a pharmaceutical sales rep whenâ¦." All of the entries were creative and made our editors chuckle. Listed below are three entries we particularly enjoyed.
⦠You spot a Ford Taurus in a parking lot and immediately feel defensive.
⦠You realize the majority of your career is spent in a closet.
⦠You amaze yourself at the multi-syllabic words you use on a regular basis.
⦠You laugh at how absurd it is for your friends to look to you for medical advice.
⦠You thought you had this impressive science-based career, and it turns out to be a catering business.
⦠Lab coats make you smile, similar to the school bell and Pavlov's dog.
⦠The joke "This pen won't write anything but my product" is one of your top 10.
⦠The words "You got something for me to sign?" turn you off as a salesperson.
MELANIE PATTERSON
Dura Pharmaceuticals
⦠You know where the best phones and restrooms are in a given area.
⦠You can actually spell the word pharmaceutical.
⦠You know where the doctor's lounge is in more than one hospital.
⦠You can't walk by a phone without calling voice mail.
⦠You currently have more than 25 pens in your car.
⦠You are mistaken for an ostrich with your head in the trunk of your car.
⦠You can balance three dozen donuts, a detail bag and an umbrella and still get the door opened for a senior citizen.
⦠You know the first name of your UPS and FedEx drivers and maybe even those of their children.
⦠You refer to the front seat of your car as your office.
⦠You own a "Physician's Desk Reference."
⦠Carry-out restaurants send you Christmas and birthday cards.
⦠You think hospital coffee tastes good.
⦠You are content reading a Time Magazine dated July 1995.
⦠You seem to always have more receipts than money in your wallet.
⦠You always carry a calendar or date book with you.
⦠You can actually read many doctors' handwriting.
⦠A no-see physician calls you at home because one of his relatives has been put on the product you've been trying to tell him about for seven months.
⦠You have actually included the phrase "not affected by the cytochrome P450 system" in a conversation.
⦠You thank people for their time at the end of conversations.
⦠You take your golf clubs to work when you are dressed in a suit and tie.
⦠One of the best things to happen to you last year was that an insurance company changed its formulary to include your product.
⦠One of the worst things to happen to you last year was that an insurance company changed its formulary to exclude your product.
⦠You think the word generic should be stricken from the English language.
⦠You can spot a doctor's car in the parking lot from two blocks away.
⦠You enjoy your job most of the time and truly believe you can help physicians help their patients.
MIKE NALIN
Sanofi Pharmaceuticals
⦠You think you know everything.
⦠You start looking at other drivers as potential dates.
⦠You think all other drivers are idiots.
⦠You can stay awake at national sales meetings.
⦠Your children run to school telling everyone you sell drugs.
⦠You propose to your statistically significant other.
⦠You can spot another rep a mile away.
⦠Your license plate number becomes your permanent address.
⦠You convince another rep that your drug is better.
⦠Your backside starts to look like your car seat: wide and flat.
⦠You slow down for yellow lights.
⦠Blank stares and rejection builds your confidence.
⦠You drive the speed limit.
⦠You can talk about intimate bodily functions without smiling.
⦠You could retire if you had nickel for every mile you drive.
⦠You start diagnosing your friends.
⦠You start making sense even to the doctors.
⦠You consider radio talk show hosts close personal friends.
⦠You start detailing the clinic janitors.
MARGARET HOYENGA
Zeneca Pharmaceuticals