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Contributions from this year's reader's writing contest entrants.
Editor's note: Several entrants to this year's reader's writing contest contributed humorous articles on the subject of "You know you're a pharmaceutical sales rep whenâ¦." All of the entries were creative and made our editors chuckle. Listed below are three entries we particularly enjoyed.
â¦ You spot a Ford Taurus in a parking lot and immediately feel defensive.
â¦ You realize the majority of your career is spent in a closet.
â¦ You amaze yourself at the multi-syllabic words you use on a regular basis.
â¦ You laugh at how absurd it is for your friends to look to you for medical advice.
â¦ You thought you had this impressive science-based career, and it turns out to be a catering business.
â¦ Lab coats make you smile, similar to the school bell and Pavlov's dog.
â¦ The joke "This pen won't write anything but my product" is one of your top 10.
â¦ The words "You got something for me to sign?" turn you off as a salesperson.
â¦ You know where the best phones and restrooms are in a given area.
â¦ You can actually spell the word pharmaceutical.
â¦ You know where the doctor's lounge is in more than one hospital.
â¦ You can't walk by a phone without calling voice mail.
â¦ You currently have more than 25 pens in your car.
â¦ You are mistaken for an ostrich with your head in the trunk of your car.
â¦ You can balance three dozen donuts, a detail bag and an umbrella and still get the door opened for a senior citizen.
â¦ You know the first name of your UPS and FedEx drivers and maybe even those of their children.
â¦ You refer to the front seat of your car as your office.
â¦ You own a "Physician's Desk Reference."
â¦ Carry-out restaurants send you Christmas and birthday cards.
â¦ You think hospital coffee tastes good.
â¦ You are content reading a Time Magazine dated July 1995.
â¦ You seem to always have more receipts than money in your wallet.
â¦ You always carry a calendar or date book with you.
â¦ You can actually read many doctors' handwriting.
â¦ A no-see physician calls you at home because one of his relatives has been put on the product you've been trying to tell him about for seven months.
â¦ You have actually included the phrase "not affected by the cytochrome P450 system" in a conversation.
â¦ You thank people for their time at the end of conversations.
â¦ You take your golf clubs to work when you are dressed in a suit and tie.
â¦ One of the best things to happen to you last year was that an insurance company changed its formulary to include your product.
â¦ One of the worst things to happen to you last year was that an insurance company changed its formulary to exclude your product.
â¦ You think the word generic should be stricken from the English language.
â¦ You can spot a doctor's car in the parking lot from two blocks away.
â¦ You enjoy your job most of the time and truly believe you can help physicians help their patients.
â¦ You think you know everything.
â¦ You start looking at other drivers as potential dates.
â¦ You think all other drivers are idiots.
â¦ You can stay awake at national sales meetings.
â¦ Your children run to school telling everyone you sell drugs.
â¦ You propose to your statistically significant other.
â¦ You can spot another rep a mile away.
â¦ Your license plate number becomes your permanent address.
â¦ You convince another rep that your drug is better.
â¦ Your backside starts to look like your car seat: wide and flat.
â¦ You slow down for yellow lights.
â¦ Blank stares and rejection builds your confidence.
â¦ You drive the speed limit.
â¦ You can talk about intimate bodily functions without smiling.
â¦ You could retire if you had nickel for every mile you drive.
â¦ You start diagnosing your friends.
â¦ You start making sense even to the doctors.
â¦ You consider radio talk show hosts close personal friends.
â¦ You start detailing the clinic janitors.